I have never been so broke as since I worked as a Copy Boy at Kinko’s in the 1990s.

I have come to the conclusion that the stock market is rigged and the economy is now geared to destroy what is left of the middle class.

I am only bitter that I was unable to even apply to be a member of the Illuminati.

I have decided to put what’s left of my money into safer investments – like horse racing.

I spent a lot of time yesterday researching horses to invest on in the Kentucky Derby, which is now a little over six hours away.

I tried to pull some equity out of my ghetto condominium, but I was told I am still upside down by $110,000; so I sold some blood for $50.

My bet is going on Mubtaahij in the Kentucky Derby.

While some handicappers use speed ratings or conditioning or blood line, I have a very unique style – conspiracy theories!

Here is my take on the race:

This Kentucky Derby has a lot of really good horses, as always.

But why would a rich Sultan from the UAE ship his BEST horse, along with the jockey (who flies to France that night to race the next day), to compete in the Kentucky Derby if they weren’t serious about winning?

Mubtaahij was bred in Ireland, sold to a Sheik in the UAE, has a Jockey from Belgium, trained by a South African and is the only horse in the race not on Lasix.

Also interesting to note, the horse trains without horse shoes.

Unlike other imports, this horse and his crew are serious about winning.

Can Mubtaahij beat the other horses?

At, currently, 12 to 1, I will be happy to find out.

If not, it’s beach diving with my ripped-ass wetsuit for about one more year.

I have been wrong before, about a lot of things.

Wish me luck.

If I lose this race, I will have to cut out beer from my budget.

It’s all or nothing!

Update:

That race did not work out for me!

I feel burned, just like when I bought high quality shares of Enron stock.

It’s beach diving for the next year for me, Mubtaahij came in eighth.

I have been stressing out on my taxes for the last four months, and was working on the last draft of my tax return up until last Wednesday.

Somehow, my employer changed my deductions from nine plus $217 to just nine.

Also, if you send an inmate pen pal money, she does not qualify to be claimed as your dependent.

To make a long story short, I think this blog will all be about beach diving for the next year.

And, the IRS works fast!

I mailed in my return Wednesday and got a call on Saturday from someone claiming to be from the IRS.

He said that if I didn’t wire him $1,200 immediately an agent would be over to arrest me.

I asked, “Great! How much time should I ask off from work?”

His threats grew stronger before I just hung up on him.

I needed my Sunday dive.

The swell maps made the diving look iffy, but not only did I show up, I showed up 15 minutes early.

I met Reverend Al, Nice Bob, Mike and new diver to the group, Rob.

Rob has been certified since the 1980s, but hasn’t done a lot of diving recently; this was his first dive here at Terranea.

The Point looked a little rough, so we opted for the Cove.

We made an easy entrance and swam to the rocky finger for our descent.

Logged SCUBA Dive #490

Dove with Reverend Al Rob

120 Reef, Terranea Resort, Palos Verdes, CA

In With: 2900 psi
Out With: 800 psi
Max depth: 42 feet
Waves: Manageable if you timed it right.
Visibility: 10-20 feet
Water Temperature: 58 degrees
Air Temperature: 76 degrees
Total Bottom Time: 30 minutes

We spotted some kind of a strange blob.

Al collects sea shells.

Visibility was up to 20 feet in some places.

Rob had an interested habit of going through the kelp.

When we reached 1,000 psi, we signaled to Reverend Al; he started to lead us back, but Rob was very slow…

I discovered Rob’s handicap… he was trying to take some kelp back with him.

I broke him free.

We surface right on spot.

After timing the swells, we made a fairly easy exit.

Reverend Al hands out shells.

Debriefing was fairly quick today; Al was headed to the Long Beach Grand Prix and others had stuff to accomplish.