Well, I guess I haven’t officially announced it on this blog until now, but my next macho diving adventure is going to be in Poland this September.

I had no idea what I was getting in to – the water is 38 degrees Fahrenheit and I need a dry suit – which new, also costs about as much as my plane fare.

I won an extra-large Dry Suit off of Ebay, but I am so fat, that I couldn’t fit in it, and a custom wetsuit would take too long to arrive, and put me into more debt.

I posted on Divevets if anyone had a dry suit for sale for a fat guy.

Mean Bob came through with one that he thought would fit.

And it fit me!

Bob even brought another diver to test it to make sure it didn’t leak.

“Why can’t I test it?” I asked.

“You need to be trained in a dry suit, otherwise you might die,” I was told.

OK, now the add-ons to boost profit!

Well, I was later told that I would get trained for the payment of a bottle of Scotch, so I had no issue with that.

The whether was really funky – 83 degrees, but raining slightly; the ocean was flat.

I hooked up with Dr. D. for my dive in my wetsuit.

Logged SCUBA Dive #438

Dove With Dr. D.
Veterans Park, Redondo Beach, California, USA

In With: 3000 psi
Out With: 1000 psi
Max depth: 70 feet
Waves: Pretty flat, with some rollers
Visibility: 10 to maybe 15 feet
Water Temperature: 58 degrees at depth, 64 at the surface
Air Temperature: 84 degrees
Total Bottom Time: 35 minutes or so

The dive was perfect, with no events worth noting – we saw shrimp, crabs, small fish, etc.

Once I arrived back in the parking lot, I got the word, “The wetsuit is good, my right sleeve is wet, but only because the under garment was sticking out of the seal.”

I bought the dry suit, with the under garment.

I put it back on as I was told it has a “pee valve” in it.

“What is a pee valve?” I asked.

“It’s so you can pee without taking the suit off.”

Great!

Having a couple of debriefing beers, I actually had to go pee, so I decided to test the pee valve by standing on the grass and letting it lose.

I felt this warm sensation go down my right leg and my boot started to fill with liquid.

“I don’t think the pee valve works!” I yelled.

“You need a condom with a tube that connects to the valve, dumb ass!”

OK, how embarrassing, I guess I do need dry suit training!

Luckily, I was not in a life threatening situation.

During debriefing, the Redondo Police rolled up on us…

“It’s the cops, hide the beer!” someone yelled.

The Officer asked how conditions were.

One of the divers said that, “The water was cold at depth and when we ascended, it was like swimming up into warm urine.”

The Officer said, “OK, we didn’t need to know that… and by the way, we don’t care about the beer in your cups, or the peanut shells on the ground.”

The Police drove off.

Dan and Jimmy The Bagman started talking about giving the Redondo Beach Police free SCUBA lessons since they are so cool – well, except for the ones that give dog tickets.

Debriefing continued.

Now, I just need 20 dry suit dives and training with doubles before I leave in September.

To finish Donna The Hot Biker Chick’s DM class, she needs to draw a map of a dive site, so I volunteered to go along with her and assist.

Holly and Mike decided to tag along with us, even though they were warned, “We are going to go at an awfully slow pace.”

Donna is ready with her float, GPS, measuring stick and drawing board.

On entrance, I fell in about three feet of water and rode a receding wave out.

Logged SCUBA Dive #437

Dove With Donna The Hot Biker Chick, Holly and Mike
120 Reef, Terranea Resort, Rancho Palos Verdes, California, USA

In With: 3000 psi
Out With: 2000 psi
Max depth: 40 feet
Waves: Some rollers on shore, choppy
Visibility: Six feet
Water Temperature: 62 degrees
Air Temperature: 74 degrees
Total Bottom Time: 22 minutes or so

Conditions were a bit choppy.

We swam to the rocky finger just outside Pigeon Shit Cave where Donna inflated the surface bouy to hold her GPS.

By the time she inflated it, the current had pushed us West, way off course.

We decided to descend and swim to 120 reef.

I lost Mike and Donna and wound up with Holly – we just started heading toward the direction of 120 reef.

Visibility absolutely sucked ass.

After kicking for ten minutes and not knowing where we were, we surfaced to get a bearing.

We had not moved one inch and were still far away from 120 reef, and to make matters worse, Donna’s surface marker indicated that she was even further off course, but was catching up to us.

We submerged and followed a heading that would hopefully intersect Donna’s path.

After another ten minutes or so of underwater aerobics and still not reaching 120 reef, we surfaced to find that we still had not moved very far, but Donna’s marker was floating away from 120 reef.

Apparently, Donna and Mike were able to make it to the edge of the reef before being pushed back again.

“This current sucks ass, let’s head in,” I said.

Holly agreed.

I slowly took my time to make the perfect exit, but still managed to get rolled on the rocks by an unexpected wave.

Everyone made it back, even the divers who went off the Point and fought the current the other way.

We hired a Terranea employee to transport or gear to the parking lot – well, he volunteered, but was tipped accordingly.

Let the debriefing begin!

Today’s Group of Divers.

Donna The Hot Biker Chick displays one casualty of this dive – her tangled reel.

CIA drones, disguised as birds, patrol the airspace above Palos Verdes.

All agreed, that today was one of the worst dives here, ever!

At least nobody was injured and all are alive to make another dive.