Click Here To Go To Psycho Solo Diver
  • HOME
  • You are currently browsing the archives for the Humor category.

  • Categories

  • « Previous Page

    February 8, 2009

    Steak And Lobster On The Cheap!

    Rainy Day Special Article!

    OK guys, it happens to everyone sooner or later!

    Your lady expects a nice dinner for Valentine’s Day, her birthday or other special occassion…

    A sad racetrack loser.

    …but you’ve just lost all your money at the race track.

    What do you do?

    By now, if you have been following my lobster hunting advise, you should have seven personal lobsters in your freezer at all times – at least if your luck has held lately.

    Lobsters in itself have “gourmet” written all over them, so at least you have that part covered!

    But, how do you present a first class meal at home on an ultra shoestring budget?

    Take your beer cans to the recycling center and look under your seat cushions for change; that should be good for about $20.

    Go to your discount grocery store, buy four potatoes and a “Manager’s Special” beef roast – that will set you back about $12, depending on the size of the roast.

    Drive to Trader Joe’s and purchase three or four bottles of Charles Shaw wine, aka “Two Buck Chuck.”

    Charles Shaw Wine

    Charles Shaw only costs a couple of dollars, but is actually a spectacular tasting wine that’s won several awards.

    At home, I am assuming you already have the following staples – milk, butter, fresh garlic or garlic powder, salt and a couple cans of green beans – don’t worry, everyone has canned green beans, for some strange reason or another; eventually most of the time, they get donated after 20 years to a canned food drive.

    Cut up the roast to make steaks…

    Cutting up a roast into steaks.

    Remember, even though “Manager’s special” meat is a little brown on the outside due to the “aging” process, inside should still be fairly pink.

    Extra steaks – and you should have several extras – should be frozen for later meals.

    Boil some water and thaw your frozen lobster tails.

    Meanwhile, dig in the back of your pantry and find the canned green beans; you may have to dust off some of the cans in the back.

    By now, your lady has figured out that you are going out of your way to cook a very special meal, so pour her a glass of wine while she waits – a BIG glass of wine.

    After the frozen lobster tails turn a bit red, they should be thawed enough to cook.

    Lobster tails ready to cook.

    Take them out and slice them down the middle with a seraded butcher’s knife – they should already have been deveined before you froze them.

    Lobster tails about to be cooked.

    Place them on foil and put butter on top of the halves; cook at 400 to 450 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes, keeping the tops moist with butter all the way through.

    Cooking time depends on the size of the lobster tail; when the meat is white all the way through, it’s done.

    Place garlic on top at the last five minutes of cooking time.

    If you undercook lobster meat, it will be chewy, while over done makes it mushy.

    Peel your potatoes and start boiling them; open your green beans and cook them in water either in a microwave or on the stove top.

    If you like medium or rare steak, put them on the grill or pan now; if you like them well done, you should have started a few steps ago.

    By now, your woman is probably complaining that you’re taking too long with dinner; pour her another BIG glass of wine and say that it’s almost ready.

    With the rest of the meal preparation coming to an end, take the potatoes out of the boiling water – they should be mushy.

    Mash up the potatoes, adding small amounts of milk and butter, until the desired consistency is achieved.

    A gourmet meal of such high quality would probably cost $40 a plate in the finest of restaurants!

    A gourmet meal of such high quality would probably cost $40 a plate in the finest of restaurants!

    Maybe the presentation isn’t that great, but hey, your woman probably has a pretty good buzz on after drinking a few large glasses of wine on an empty stomach and surely doesn’t care.

    The seemingly extravagant meal with the wine can help explain where all your money went, however, be sure not to leave the Racing Form or track program in the back seat of your car!

    February 28, 2008

    The Swells Are High, So I’ve Decided To Just Stay Dry

    The last few days have produced nothing more than high surf advisories to the point where piers were closed and warnings were posted for both fishermen and surfers.

    A couple of fishermen were swept off some rocks earlier this week and presumably drowned.

    Last Tuesday’s Press Telegram had a front page photo of someone riding a huge wave…

    Surf’s Up! Cowa Bunga Dude!

    Tuesday’s High Surf Advisory was probably great news to the local surfers.

    312 AM PST TUE FEB 26 2008

    …HIGH SURF ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 9 AM PST THIS
    MORNING…

    A HIGH SURF ADVISORY MEANS THAT HIGH SURF WILL AFFECT BEACHES IN THE
    ADVISORY AREA…PRODUCING POWERFUL RIP CURRENTS AND BEACH EROSION.
    SWIMMING OR SURFING IS NOT RECOMMENDED FOR ANYONE DURING THIS HIGH
    SURF EVENT. IT IS DANGEROUS TO FISH OR OBSERVE WAVES FROM EXPOSED
    COASTAL STRUCTURES…ROCKS OR JETTIES DURING HIGH SURF. VERY LARGE
    WAVES CAN SUDDENLY SWEEP ACROSS PREVIOUSLY DRY AREAS AND PULL
    ONLOOKERS INTO THE OCEAN.

    The swells looked like they were calming down somewhat yesterday, but thinking that the vis still sucked I declined Instructor John’s invitation to do a lobster dive off of his zodiac.

    On the Divevets’ message board, the conditions at Veteran’s Park last night were reported as “Surf 1-3 footers, viz about 5-7 feet.”

    So, it’s another week staying dry.

    John and I might try a lobster dive Saturday night, weather permitting.

    My buddy Ron T. sent me the following funny cartoon.

    Did you name the boat after me like you said you would?

    If you know the original source, please post so they can get credit.

    « Previous Page




    RSS Subscribe
    Subscribe!

     

     

     

    ©Copyright 2002-2026 Psychosolodiver.com. All Rights Reserved. However, if you are going to steal anything from this site, please give me credit and link back.