The weather here has been less than ideal for diving; it rained heavily for several days last week and, of course, the bacteria in the run off is always a concern after a storm.

I have also been sick for the last week with a winter cold – coughing and congestion do not go well with diving.

However, that does not mean I can’t fill my next entry with some funny diving related items that I have seen over the last week.

The first feature was pointed out to me by the Mayor of Old Marineland, Max Bottomtime.

There’s a lot of local diving references in this video.

How will Adolf Hitler take it when he is not allowed to go on a dive trip without Advanced Certification?

Watch the video and find out…

To view this video on youtube, click here.

They mention the “Warhammer Maneuver” towards the end of this video.

If you are like me, and didn’t know what the Warhammer Maneuver is, here is a discussion thread on the topic.

Now for the joke of the week, this one, compliments of Crazy Ivan:

MISSING MAINE WIFE

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident off the coast of Maine, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced State Troopers.

“We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her!?” the husband shouted.

The Troopers looked at each other.

One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said “Give me the bad news first.”

The second Trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.”

“Oh my God!” exclaimed the husband.

Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The Trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 12 good-size lobsters clinging to her.”

Stunned, the husband demanded, “If that’s the good news, what’s the great news???”

The Trooper answered, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”

Hearing that Redondo Beach had four to six foot swells and that there was some storm front coming in, I headed down to Terranea Resort hoping more for dive camaraderie and debriefing than in hopes of getting in the water.

There was a low diver turn out; having arrived at 8:07 AM, I saw a few cars of dive friends, but nobody setting up their gear.

Reverend Al, Not New Chris and Crazy Ivan were at The Point, watching conditions; Richard The Brit joined us soon after.

Entrance from The Point was pretty much ruled out from the beginning.

We walked towards the beach where we checked The Cove conditions.

Yes, us divers do spend money at Terranea Resort.

After gawking from the cliffs above, we actually walked down to see the conditions first hand.

There were constant swells with an occasional, “Holy crap! I’m glad I wasn’t in the surf zone on that one” wave.

It was possible, but I decided to call it; so did Crazy Ivan.

Reverend Al, Not New Chris and Richard The Brit decided to test their luck with a dive off The Cove.

All made expert entrances with no problems and submerged around 120 reef.

Professional Debriefer Paul showed up to join Crazy Ivan and me for some sea side beer drinking and wave watching.

The waves started to get larger and stronger when the divers were under.

A kayaker made it out in between sets.

About an hour later, the three returned and made an uneventful exit during a lull in the swells – either God was watching them, or the CIA’s weather machine was rebooting.

A Japanese tourist asked Not New Chris and Reverend Al if they would pose with her son for a picture…

How could anyone refuse such a request?

The dive report was, “Some places were 20 feet, other places it was only a few feet with lots of silt; there was also constant surge that you had to fight.”

Nobody who dove regretted getting in, and nobody that called the dive regretted staying dry.

The public toilet was locked on Discover Trails; I was about to relieve myself on the door until a woman came by and called the resort to complain.

We debriefed in a different area in Palos Verdes, that was more barbecue friendly than Terranea’s hotel parking lot.

Chris had hot dogs and Crazy Ivan brought some kind of vegetarian Bratwursts, which weren’t bad tasting, but could never be mistaken for meat.

As I am writing this, I have just found out that our lobster trip for Monday night has been postponed until at least Wednesday.