May 16-17, 2015*

I am on a confidential two week mission; if the narration seems brief and a little incomplete, that’s because it is.

I was met in the ghetto of Long Beach on Saturday morning to begin a seven hour drive to Flagstaff, Arizona.

The first leg of my mission was to make it to Monument Valley, Utah.

The first movie to use Monument Valley as a location was Stagecoach, filmed in 1938.

Since then, dozens of films have been made in the valley, or featured in part.

And yes, there is a lot more to Monument Valley than just a movie location.

The price of gas in California, near the Arizona boarder.

We passed the world’s biggest golf ball.

It was a long drive – not for a trucker, but for me.

We spent the night at a Hotel in Flagstaff, AZ.

There, I was told of the location of several sealed envelopes for various contingencies including hospitalization, vegetative state and death.

I hope the journey ends with those envelopes still sealed and not in my possession.

After a night’s rest, the journey continued for another three hours to Monument Valley.

The price of gas in Arizona – Note to self, buy gas in Arizona before crossing back in to California.

It was a journey over a two-lane, two-way highway – a lights-on all the way, daylight journey.

Me outside of Monument Valley.

Right before we got to the “Monument Valley Welcome Center,” we crossed in to Utah.

$20 was paid to the Navajo Nation to cross in to the Indian Reservation.

WARNING: There is NO alcohol (a.k.a. Fire Water) sold on the Indian Reservation.

I couldn’t tell if real Indians worked on the reservation, or if they were Mexicans dressed as Indians.

Me at Monument Valley.

Yes, you can get dusty there – I guess bathing in their restrooms has been a problem.

Monument Valley from the Hotel.

Is there much difference between me and John Wayne, except he stood seven inches taller than me and smoked five packs of cigarettes a day?

The drive back to Flagstaff, AZ seemed a lot shorter than the drive out.

The one thing that was not factored into this leg of the trip?

Flagstaff is at 7,000 feet elevation – that presented some undisclosed problems.

Onto the second leg of the journey today.

More to come…

*Post delayed due to security and other reasons.

I have never been so broke as since I worked as a Copy Boy at Kinko’s in the 1990s.

I have come to the conclusion that the stock market is rigged and the economy is now geared to destroy what is left of the middle class.

I am only bitter that I was unable to even apply to be a member of the Illuminati.

I have decided to put what’s left of my money into safer investments – like horse racing.

I spent a lot of time yesterday researching horses to invest on in the Kentucky Derby, which is now a little over six hours away.

I tried to pull some equity out of my ghetto condominium, but I was told I am still upside down by $110,000; so I sold some blood for $50.

My bet is going on Mubtaahij in the Kentucky Derby.

While some handicappers use speed ratings or conditioning or blood line, I have a very unique style – conspiracy theories!

Here is my take on the race:

This Kentucky Derby has a lot of really good horses, as always.

But why would a rich Sultan from the UAE ship his BEST horse, along with the jockey (who flies to France that night to race the next day), to compete in the Kentucky Derby if they weren’t serious about winning?

Mubtaahij was bred in Ireland, sold to a Sheik in the UAE, has a Jockey from Belgium, trained by a South African and is the only horse in the race not on Lasix.

Also interesting to note, the horse trains without horse shoes.

Unlike other imports, this horse and his crew are serious about winning.

Can Mubtaahij beat the other horses?

At, currently, 12 to 1, I will be happy to find out.

If not, it’s beach diving with my ripped-ass wetsuit for about one more year.

I have been wrong before, about a lot of things.

Wish me luck.

If I lose this race, I will have to cut out beer from my budget.

It’s all or nothing!

Update:

That race did not work out for me!

I feel burned, just like when I bought high quality shares of Enron stock.

It’s beach diving for the next year for me, Mubtaahij came in eighth.