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    October 4, 2015

    The Lamest Opening Night Report Ever

    October 2, 2015

    I texted the Captain of the Westerly dive boat and asked if there was any way I could get on the boat tonight.

    He replied, “No chance, boat is FULL.”

    I waited too long to get my spot, as I wasn’t sure if I was over my illness or even had the money until just recently.

    Well, I’m not going to do the break wall, and there are five and a half more months to catch lobsters, so I stopped by Timeless Pints where I met some friends for a beer or two, or three, or four.

    I was asked if I wanted to go down to the Long Beach Aquarium for “Dive Night.

    Long Beach Dive Night

    A night dive?

    Hell, yeah!

    I went home and was picked up by my friends who were in an Uber car; I had my SCUBA gear with me.

    Well, that’s when I found out that “Dive Night” is just a name, and there is no diving on “Dive Night.”

    Long Beach Aquarium

    Well, what the hell else was I going to do?

    Live band.
    A live band.

    Storm Troopers.
    Storm Troopers.

    Jelly fish.
    Jelly fish.

    Long Beach break wall.
    The Long Beach Breakwater…

    A lobster!
    …at least I saw a lobster tonight.

    Live band

    I met this really hot chick who was a friend of my friends.

    After several rounds of $8 beers, she begged me to come to her place and fuck her.

    I found out from one of my friends that she is a little nutso and wants to get pregnant by anyone, so she can blame it on her fuck buddy that has a job and a nice house.

    “She takes a needle and pokes holes in his condoms,” I was told.

    After I stopped paying attention to her for 15 seconds, she was hanging on to some other guy, begging him to fuck her.

    Why are nut jobs attracted to me?

    Shark petting zoo
    Shark petting zoo.

    Weird chick
    I have no idea what this chick is doing.


    The night ended without incident.

    Talking to some people who went on the Westerly, some limited on the lobsters, most got one or two and a few got skunked.

    The season is just starting… sorry for the lame Opening Night Lobster Report.

    January 26, 2015

    Second Lobster Dive Of The Night

    January 24, 2015

    The swells had been pounding the coast, so nobody wanted to dive the breakwater, and there was little enthusiasm to dive anywhere else.

    We had an hour and a half of off gassing to figure out where our second dive would be.

    I had to take the neck seal on my dry suit off – my red face was scaring the Dive Master.

    We decided on a place that was not as deep as the first dive, but nobody had any realistic hopes.

    I put my dry suit back on, geared up and went over.

    Suddenly, I started feeling wet.

    Fuck, I was leaking!

    I checked my zipper, all was good.

    Hmmm… well, I needed lobsters, and a little water was not going to stop me.

    I descended down the anchor line.

    Logged SCUBA Dive #484

    SoCal Buddy Diving/Solo Diving

    Secret Location: 54 68 65 72 65 20 69 73 20 61 20 66 61 72 6d 20 6f 66 66 20 74 68 65 20 72 65 64 20 62 65 61 63 68 20 74 68 61 74 20 67 72 6f 77 73 20 6e 6f 74 68 69 6e 67 20 62 75 74 20 70 69 70 65 73 2e, Redondo Beach, CA, USA

    In With: 2900 psi
    Out With: 800 psi
    Max depth: 85 feet
    Waves: Pretty flat
    Visibility: 10 feet
    Water Temperature: 57 degrees
    Air Temperature: 69 degrees
    Total Bottom Time: 20 minutes, or so

    As I felt the squeeze of my dry suit, I gave it some air – and it leaked right out of my neck seal.

    OK, I must have not put my neck seal on right.

    The water leaking into my dry suit soon relieved the squeeze.

    I saw a few shorts and one legal one that was wedged into a crevice, out of reach.

    Basically, there just was not an abundance of lobsters down there.

    I came across the anchor line, and decided to head back up – very slowly this time; I was only 15 minutes into the dive, and I at least wanted to do 20 minutes.

    I came up the the anchor slowly and made it back on board the boat.

    My dry suit was completely flooded.

    I pried open my left arm seal and about a gallon of water emptied onto the deck.

    Kathy the Divemaster asked, “Oh, my! What happened?”

    I said, “I forgot I was wearing a dry suit and accidentally peed in it.”

    Well, nobody believed me, especially when I took the rest of my “dry” suit off and flooded the deck.

    I think everyone got skunked on this dive.

    However, once back at the dock, Mirek was nice enough to spread the wealth…

    Me and my donated lobster.
    Thank you Mirek, for not letting me come back empty handed!

    Maybe it was his communist upbringing in Poland, or the fact he was going immediately to another boat for morning dives on the oil rigs, but he did spread the lobster wealth around.

    Thank you again, Mirek!

    Super bowl Sunday, I am diving the oil rigs for scallops.

    Unfortunately, I heard the pillars have been scraped down to 85 feet.

    More to come, stay tuned!

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