{"id":3726,"date":"2015-05-20T19:59:49","date_gmt":"2015-05-21T02:59:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/?p=3726"},"modified":"2015-05-20T20:10:25","modified_gmt":"2015-05-21T03:10:25","slug":"classified-mission-to-iowa-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/?p=3726","title":{"rendered":"Classified Mission To Iowa – Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

May 18-19, 2015*<\/strong><\/p>\n

My mission now took me from Flagstaff, Arizona to Henderson, Nevada.<\/p>\n

From there, we were to take a flight from McCarran Airport to Des Moines, Iowa for the second leg of the mission.<\/p>\n

Driving went well except for encountering some bums at a gas station before transitioning from the 40 to the 95.<\/p>\n

We pulled up to get gas, and I was immediately approached by some Indian looking guy who needed some help getting to Phoenix, because his car broke down. <\/p>\n

I told him, “Dude, I’m from Long Beach, I know a hustle when I hear one.”<\/p>\n

He disappeared only to be replaced 30 seconds later by a young white guy who said he didn’t have any money, but would like to wash our windows as a courtesy of “love” in return for any donation.<\/p>\n

I started pumping the gas and told him that my windows were clean, as I grabbed a squeegee and started to clean them.<\/p>\n

Was I being mean?<\/p>\n

Was I due for some karma?<\/p>\n

All I can say is, I got some sadistic joy in seeing their disappointed faces when I turned them down – much like the joy some women get when they turn down a handsome stud who invites them to dinner.<\/p>\n

We continued to the 95 North.<\/p>\n

Traffic was going fine – 80 miles an hour as I passed some kind of a parked state truck, with some guy on the side of the road waving a red flag.<\/p>\n

What the hell does that mean?<\/p>\n

I turned a corner and slammed on the brakes because of what we were coming up on very fast…<\/p>\n

\"Traffic
\nTraffic came to a dead stop, with vehicles stopped at least a mile in front of us.<\/em><\/p>\n

I mean, a dead stop… some guy was out of his car, peeing on the side of the road, other drivers were smoking and conversing outside of their cars.<\/p>\n

After almost an hour, traffic started to move, but very slowly.<\/p>\n

\"Approaching
\nAfter another hour, we approached the scene of the accident.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"A
\nIt was an overturned motor home that blocked both lanes – traffic was squeezing through the emergency lane, as a crew was crushing up the wreck and hauling it away.<\/em><\/p>\n

We soon made it to Henderson, Nevada to await our flight to Des Moines, Iowa the next day.<\/p>\n

\"Henderson,
\nHenderson, Nevada looks nothing like it’s Las Vegas counterpart – the mafia must pay off the Henderson City Council to not build any casinos within the city limits.<\/em><\/p>\n

The next morning, we drove to McCarran Airport and parked the car.<\/p>\n

I hate airport security.<\/p>\n

After taking my shoes off, emptying my pockets, taking my belt off and putting my laptop in a separate X-ray tray, they wanted me to go through a porno-scanner.<\/p>\n

I told the woman, “I want to go through the metal detector, or take a pat-down.”<\/p>\n

“Male assist! Male assist! We have a voluntary opt out on aisle four!” she screamed for all to hear.<\/p>\n

\"Security<\/p>\n

There were some kids behind me and an old man.<\/p>\n

The T.S.A. lady closed the porno scanner and let the people behind me walk through the metal detector.<\/p>\n

I said, “Why can’t I go through the metal detector?”<\/p>\n

“You already opted out,” she said.<\/p>\n

So, fifteen minutes later, after the blue glove treatment and bomb swab, I gathered my stuff to go dress in a corner.<\/p>\n

\"A
\nSomeone who just went through security forgot to put his pants back on.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Macho
\nAfter a few beers and a shot of Jameson, we’re off!<\/em><\/p>\n

We flew the cheapest airline we could find – Southwest Airlines.<\/p>\n

And of course, with the cheapest flight also comes a cattle-run for seats.<\/p>\n

When boarding was announced for our sequence, there was a very condensed line pressing against the gate.<\/p>\n

A lady in front of me remarked, “This line is very cozy.”<\/p>\n

I said, “Just wait until you get in the plane.”<\/p>\n

I don’t know if it was the alcohol on my breath, or what, but she moved to the back of the line.<\/p>\n

\"The
\nThe flight to Des Moines was uneventful, but included a free bag of crackers and a Flat Tire Beer.<\/p>\n

I was reading the USA Today, Tuesday, May 19th 2015 edition, when on page 4A, I spotted the following news blurb…<\/p>\n

\"Nevada,
\nNevada, Carson City: State Senators will vote on a bill Tuesday to ban punishment for students who chew a toaster pastry into the shape of a gun, according to the Reno Gazette-Journal<\/em><\/p>\n

Holy, Fuck!<\/p>\n

How the hell did that ever even become a punishable crime?<\/p>\n

We landed without incident.<\/p>\n

We had found the cheapest rental car ever off of Craig’s List – $14 a day for a car, unlimited miles.<\/p>\n

The only catch?<\/p>\n

\"Rent<\/p>\n

It was a 50 year old, two stroke Communist made car called a Trabant.<\/p>\n

There was a repair manual and tools in the trunk and instructions on how to mix oil with the gasoline when refueling.<\/p>\n

I had a hard time starting it, and when the engine finally did, it sounded like a lawn mower, and must have spewed out more exhaust in a minute than most new cars do in a lifetime.<\/p>\n

I know how to drive a stick shift, but three on the tree was extremely awkward.<\/p>\n

Having left the GPS in Las Vegas, we pulled into a gas station to buy maps to plan the mission route. <\/p>\n

First off, when I asked the 18 year old clerk where the maps were, he told me just to get online and Google it.<\/p>\n

Well, that was not possible, but low and behold – after some searching – I found some crusty old maps of Iowa next to the motor oil section.<\/p>\n

The clerk wouldn’t bend on the price even though they were old and damaged – we bought two different maps at a dollar each.<\/p>\n

\"Reading
\nWe carefully planned our route to the Motel and our mission.<\/p>\n

We are suppose to rendezvous with “Secret Agent K” tomorrow.<\/p>\n

More to come…<\/p>\n

*Post delayed due to security and other reasons.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

May 18-19, 2015* My mission now took me from Flagstaff, Arizona to Henderson, Nevada. From there, we were to take a flight from McCarran Airport to Des Moines, Iowa for the second leg of the mission. Driving went well except for encountering some bums at a gas station before transitioning from the 40 to the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,13,9,31],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3726"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3726"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3726\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3760,"href":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3726\/revisions\/3760"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3726"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3726"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3726"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}