{"id":2246,"date":"2012-06-03T23:23:12","date_gmt":"2012-06-04T06:23:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/?p=2246"},"modified":"2020-07-20T09:34:17","modified_gmt":"2020-07-20T16:34:17","slug":"pinball-rafting-at-the-kern-river","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/psychosolodiver.com\/?p=2246","title":{"rendered":"Pinball Rafting At The Kern River"},"content":{"rendered":"

The snow fall for the last two years has really sucked, so the prime rafting has come and gone.<\/p>\n

However, I was invited for our annual Kern River camping and rafting trip the first week of June.<\/p>\n

I invited TwinDuct, he accepted.<\/p>\n

I’ve been inviting Donna The Hot Biker Chick to Albania for the last year and she has constantly declined, so I asked, “What about going to the Kern River for rafting with TwinDuct and I?”<\/p>\n

“Sure, I’ll go,” she said.<\/p>\n

TwinDuct and I were in shock.<\/p>\n

Surely, this was some sort of a cruel joke?<\/p>\n

Why would she decline a two week trip to Albania, but go on a rafting trip with me and another guy?<\/p>\n

All three of us left the Los Angeles area in TwinDuct’s natural gas powered van – the refueling strategy was planned with military precision; since the van can only go 150 miles on one tank, we left with a full tank, refueled in Bakersfield on the way up and back.<\/p>\n

\"Me<\/p>\n

At Lake Isabella, we stopped by the Shady Lane Saloon for a few drinks before heading to Vons to stock up on food and beer.<\/p>\n

I have never seen so many people shop for food at the same time in such a small town, but the cashier told us that since it’s the first of the month, everyone got their welfare check today.<\/p>\n

That made sense.<\/p>\n

We checked in at the Frandy Camp Ground and made camp – Donna made it clear that she had her own tent.<\/p>\n

\"Shish<\/p>\n

Shish kabobs, whiskey and beer was for dinner.<\/p>\n

Having been told that TwinDuct was bringing a radio, I left my radio and Johnny Cash collection at home; but, it was not made clear that the radio didn’t work.<\/p>\n

We couldn’t get any radio reception, but since we were at Frandy, we just listened to everyone else’s music.<\/p>\n

I found Instructor John’s campsite; we were originally suppose to be next to one another, but John moved closer to the river due to a cancellation.<\/p>\n

John said that he had maybe three or four additional people for rafting, but that, “The water is so low that if I didn’t have reservations and other people coming up here, I would have canceled.”<\/p>\n

I looked up stream at the mighty Euwing rapids – what was once mighty looked pretty wimpy now.<\/p>\n

TwinDuct brought some “free” firewood for us to burn – old shingles and planks.<\/p>\n

The burning paint and lacquer on the shingles gave our fire quite a unique smell.<\/p>\n

The rest of the evening is an alcohol induced blur, ending with me walking Donna to her tent after she fell asleep in front of the toxic campfire.<\/p>\n

The next morning, after a breakfast of cowboy coffee and camping slop, we were ready for rafting.<\/p>\n

John’s other group of “three or four” turned out to be three or four families.<\/p>\n

The strategy was to get our turns in as soon as possible – with the low river flow, a couple of runs was good for us.<\/p>\n

John took the most macho on the first run, to scope out the route – of course, I was in the first group.<\/p>\n

We started below Power House because there wasn’t enough water flow above it – that was a first for us.<\/p>\n

We ended up getting perched on a group of rocks for about 15 minutes before we shook ourselves free.<\/p>\n

Except for a few thrills, the voyage was more of a cruise down the river.<\/p>\n

It was still fun, and nobody complained.<\/p>\n

Donna the Hot Biker Chick and TwinDuct went on the second run, I drove shuttle.<\/p>\n

As a matter of fact, I drove shuttle several times that day, which gave Donna and TwinDuct time alone to bond.<\/p>\n

My plan was back firing.<\/p>\n

After lunch, all three of us got to make a river run together; the conversation was more interesting than the perfect run – diving stories of when I helped John with his SCUBA classes, my psycho ex, who John despised and how John was charged, at one time, with running an unlicensed rafting company.<\/p>\n

Altogether, I believe seven runs were made; the three of us got to go twice, which was just fine with us.<\/p>\n

\"Donna<\/p>\n

We hung out at the slow moving Kern River until about 6 PM, before heading back to camp for dinner.<\/p>\n

TwinDuct put a beer can on the radio’s antenna and was able to get one local country station.<\/p>\n

We had been fortunate to not have neighbors next to us, until an SUV pulled up.<\/p>\n

Three guys got out and pitched one, big huge tent.<\/p>\n

Another car pulled up and parked, two guys got out and joined their group.<\/p>\n

TwinDuct looked over and said, “Those guys are homos, I can just tell, there’s something not quite right – ten guys just don’t sleep in one tent.”<\/p>\n

\"Gay<\/p>\n

As more and more of them showed up, they came over and started to take a fancy to me and TwinDuct.<\/p>\n

I can’t get one girl interested in me, but ten guys are looking at me as their fresh meat?<\/p>\n

Time for some liquid courage in case I have to kick ass on ten guys.<\/p>\n

Fuck beer, I grabbed the Jameson Whiskey and drank a few shots.<\/p>\n

I really can’t remember the next few hours.<\/p>\n

What I gather is that TwinDuct must have held me down while Donna poured the rest of the whiskey down my throat.<\/p>\n

I sobered up hanging out at John’s campground with Donna.<\/p>\n

By the time we got back to camp, the neighbors had gone somewhere, and TwinDuct was butt hurt that we left him alone while he was cooking dinner.<\/p>\n

It was dark, except for our campfire.<\/p>\n

The neighbors walked back from where ever they were, and three of them were butt ass naked.<\/p>\n

No shit, I am not joking.<\/p>\n

One of the troop leaders from a nearby Boy Scout group walked over to them and said, “Hey guys, we have kids over here, you need to put some clothes on.”<\/p>\n

They complied.<\/p>\n

The gay guys lit a campfire with store bought firewood and proceeded to party into the night.<\/p>\n

\"Dude<\/p>\n

This one weirdo from the group kept coming over to our site to roast his weenie over our chemically treated campfire.<\/p>\n

He started taking a fancy to Donna and eventually invited her over for a “tensome.”<\/p>\n

Donna laughed, otherwise, I might have had to kick some ass.<\/p>\n

Towards the end of the night, Donna actually went over to their campsite.<\/p>\n

Now, TwinDuct and I both felt abandoned.<\/p>\n

I went to sleep.<\/p>\n

I woke up the next morning to find out that the weirdo weenie roaster had crawled into Donna’s tent, naked, looking for a place to sleep.<\/p>\n

Donna threw his ass out after “only fifteen minutes.”<\/p>\n

If TwinDuct or I had done that, Donna would have shot us.<\/p>\n

Donna told us, “Those guys aren’t gay; it was part a a bachelor party theme.”<\/p>\n

“Ten gay guys would never go camping together, it’s just too dirty,” she said.<\/p>\n

TwinDuct then told me, “Yeah, and about last night, I think you blew it with Donna.”<\/p>\n

“Why, what happened?”<\/p>\n

“You got drunk on Whiskey, and even though you weren’t being a dick, you told Donna how you really felt about her.”<\/p>\n

Donna later told me, “You started this trip with zero points, and now you are negative.”<\/p>\n

We packed up and had breakfast…<\/p>\n

\"Beer<\/p>\n

… before a short tour of the area and the three hour drive home.<\/p>\n

All in all, it was a great trip, and all three of us have no regrets for going.<\/p>\n

We will hope and pray for heavy snow this Winter, so that the rafting will be excellent next year.<\/p>\n

But for now, the rafting season in Southern California is over.<\/p>\n

Here is the exciting video that captures it all!<\/p>\n